I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
