he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize