I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
