I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
