All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
