I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
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Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
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My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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