I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
