I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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