dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
