I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
