i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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