Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
