Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she told me i tasted like america
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I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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