yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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