when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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