i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
