i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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