M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
