I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
