i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
