My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
