Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
