Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
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i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My ATM looks so different sober.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
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I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
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