I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
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I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
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Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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