Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
