i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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