I'm passing your future prison.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
