i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
