Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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