ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
