Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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