Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
