I wanna bring you to show and tell
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
