Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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