in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
