Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
