Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
