You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
