I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
