so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
