sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
