She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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