i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I am midnight drunk by noon
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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