I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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