I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
