I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
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She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
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For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.