Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.