i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.