He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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