ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume