Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dating After Heartbreak
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.