He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Life is so much better after having sex.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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