I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
