i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
