so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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