well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
