Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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