Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
