I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
