I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
