you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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