Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
