please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
