after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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