You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
