My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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