whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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