I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
