Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
