someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize