When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
