I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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