There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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