i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I supernannyed him into submission
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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