If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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