So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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